i’m on the phone with a friend and we’re having a totally normal conversation. i’d drank a beer earlier. we’re having fun. she brings up how we often have really in depth conversations about the way people are and other really abstract concepts. she says that this is why we’re best friends— we couldn’t have this conversation with anyone else but each other. i tell her that there’s another one of our mutual friends that i feel like i could. she seems a little hurt by this but she reacts playfully. she says “fuck you” and laughs and i tell her i’m being for real because i don’t think she’s taking me seriously. she explains that she feels hurt by this because she feels like she needs me and i don’t need her. i realize how cold and unwavering i am. i really don’t let anybody in the way she does. i feel guilty but i have trouble expressing this. i feel trapped because i cant open up and i cant even tell anyone that i cant open up.