im pulling into a parking space across the street from the museum, on the side of the road where the grocery store is. i regrettably agreed to play viola in a quartet of people ive worked with before, but we are performing pieces that i do not care about for a really small event put on by a volunteering club in town. i’m sitting in my car with my hands in my face because i literally do not want to do this at all. i’ve been so nervous lately and i just feel sick because i decided i don’t want to do something, but i have to. i lean back into the seat, close my eyes, i see red as the sun shines through my eyelids, take in a deep shaky breath, and convince myself that this will pass quickly and i will enjoy myself.