I remember the moment clearly. My eyes open that morning and immediately my thought race. I'm worried about a fellow Sister of my parish who had an especially short temper in the past week. As I pull my clothes on and brush my teeth, I find myself conflicted about whether I need to punish her or comfort her. I know her temper has caused others distress, so I know I need to invite her into my office. Before breakfast, I pick up the mail from the mailbox just outside the door and page through it. There isn't much mail today. I find the day's newspaper, and a letter addressed in regard to my husband. It was not addressed to him (as far as I knew he was serving overseas in the war), but rather to his loved ones. I panicked initially but attempted to keep calm. As I peeled the adhesive from the paper, my heart rate quickens and my hands start shaking rapidly. One sentence within the letter caught my eye immediately: "We were honored for your loved one's service and we offer our deepest condolences for your loss." WERE? YOUR LOSS? My eyes widened in realization. My hands dropped to my sides, preliminarily processing what I just read. My mind fell silent. Everything I had worried about felt meaningless. Life felt meaningless. Why continue if I never got to see the man I loved more than anyone else was killed? I could feel tears fall onto my thighs. They felt cold and uncomfortable, but I deserved it. After all, I had not sent him a letter the past week like I promised to. It was all my fault. I got up and left to go to work, against my better judgement. I deserved the pain.