i actually can't eat pierogis anymore because of this. anyways the day prior, my partner who'd been dating for over a year now, told me they wanted to think about breaking up. not because of any big argument or anything, but i'm a person who needs a lot of reassurance, i've got an anxious attachment style and they were almost my opposite. not to say they didn't love me, they did, i know that. but we just weren't good for each other in that way, i'd get hurt and then insist it wasn't their fault and that would result in these drawn out, painful conversations of me trying to promise it wasn't their fault, and apologizing so much that even know they still have a bit of an issue seeing my sorry as anything other than a reflex.

im sick to my stomach and i KNOW i wont be able to eat my pierogis but i have to try because my family is downstairs at the table and if i cry in front of them i'll have to explain. and they tell me, and i don't cry until i'm back up in my room with the door shut and i just have to do my best not to beg them to think otherwise. because it wasn't a "i'm breaking up with you." it was a "i love you and this is stressing us both out." and they were right but god i had to try so hard not to run away or assume they hated me or do some other insane shit. and this is after i've dealt with some heavy stuff- ive taken it upon myself to call cps for friends, to handle someone else's attempt at suicide by staying up for hours on the phone with 911 to make sure someone across the country would be safe. but i couldn't handle this.