i need you to know that this was a friend who i had lost fairly recently - though lost isn't really the correct answer since i was the one who chose to leave, along with my partner at the time who was also close friends with this person. we'd known each other for nearly two years and that during that time period, i had gotten close enough with him that i'd call him my brother and constantly monitor my phone to make sure he was doing alright (he had a shitty mental health record, i'd even end up calling 911 for him after his multiple attempts at suicide. i was either 15 or 16 at the time.) anyways, i'd kept quiet about my growing discomfort for a long time, even after a few of my other friends had up and left him because he kept pushing their boundaries and making them increasingly uncomfortable. it all came to a head when my partner, i'll call them v, mentioned how frustrated they were- which was a relief because i was afraid to breach the topic. it was a lot; talking about how he'd antagonize us for responding to him when he was upset and then lament when we DIDN'T respond. a lot of really harmful double standards, basically. anyways, after me and v left, effectively leaving this guy with no friends, i scrolled through his blog one day and came across a post where he just. talked about me and v and our other friends. he said he wished he'd never met us, said it was my fault for not leaving early, said i should've known better. he was so angry, he HATED us after begging for me and v back. he thought of me the way i had thought of him and it made my stomach drop.