I had been friends with a girl for years. We worked together when we were teenagers and then went to the same college. We would go out and do things together and she was my best friend at the time, although now when i look back our relationship feels quite shallow. We never really talked about anything except boys and partying. She hooked up with this guy from a sports team at the school who was in our friend group. She told me she didn’t wanna do anything else with him and that she didn’t like him, it was just a hookup. Shortly after, he started texting me and flirting with me. I liked the attention but felt ashamed about it because it felt wrong even though we were all friends. He wanted to hookup with me, and i turned him down. He kept pushing though and i liked his persistence. It made me feel degraded but I liked it. I asked my friend if she would care if I hooked up with him. She said that that would be gross and to not do it. Him and I kept texting though, and eventually I went over his house and we did hookup. It was not worth it and I felt so much shame. I kept it from my friend for 8 months before I told her. We tried to salvage the friendship but it was pretty much dead. I don’t really know why I felt the need for the attention at that time. I think I always felt like I was in competition with her and it made me feel important that he “wanted me too”. In the end he used both of us and I effed over a friend in a dirty way. I always try to forget that I did that.