It has been years since I've seen you. After our romantic past went up in flames due to me I've only seen you from afar. Checking in on your social media from time to time. Should I care about you? After everything I've done to you? My actions and emotions don't line up but then again when have they ever. I imagine you would act nice to me, not knowing what emotions you truly felt but I know I would not react well. I've only seen you in dreams since then, a posted picture or a few that you've put up. My heart would skip a beat and instantly I would be thrown in despair. I miss you but have I even crossed your mind once after all these years? I've been lost, not because I've been without you, I am just mentally ill and it shows. Any interaction with you I wouldn't feel worthy of the time you spent talking to me, I know deep down I still see myself as trash. I wish I could be better but my mind makes all of theses plans but my body refuses to move. Am I cursed? I miss you, but I hope I never have to confront you, for you are my past and I have always wished to die.